- We're Outta Here!
Things are bad right now for the arts in the UK, on the other hand you could argue when were things ever good? So maybe you're thinking it's time to move to pastures new, where the grass is greener,the people nicer and the funding policies not quite so crazy.
Filed in Offbeat on February 12, 2013 11:57 PM
- A Conversation With Alan Davey
Desperate time call for desperate measure as details emerge of a recent conversation between infamous "Man from ACE" and ACE's very own Alan Davey, CEO of the funding monolith.
Filed in Offbeat on February 6, 2013 9:30 PM
- Throwing Stuff
Having failed to come to the only reasonable conclusion that people attending ballet performances are both rich and crazy we, here in TheLab™, started to ponder what you could throw at contemporary dancers after a show.
Filed in Offbeat on January 1, 2013 1:30 PM
- Winter Wonderland
"Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, In the lane, snow is glistening........(tra la laaaaa!)". Yes dear readers it's Christmas time again! So it's all snow, mince pies, trees, wrapping paper and annoying relatives starting right now! Of course the holiday...
Filed in Offbeat on December 5, 2012 10:00 PM
- Buttercup Interrupted
Like the shockwaves extending out from a lone CocoPop dropped in a bowl full of milk the news that Assis Carriero, AD of Dance East, was leaving to become the AD of Ballet Flanders spread through the dance world like...
Filed in Offbeat on September 24, 2012 12:12 AM
- The Big Game
Like bird flu, the Mini Cooper and Bruce Forsythe The Place Prize is back once again to do............. Well, we're not really sure what it's supposed to do but it's back and we and a lot of other people would...
Filed in Offbeat on January 3, 2012 4:54 PM
- It's A Dance Riot
During the "mayhem" in London over the last few days several minor stories have slipped through the cracks left by people prying open security shutters on branches of Lidl. We, here in TheLab™, dug deep to find you the stories the dance world probably wishes you will never read!
Filed in Offbeat on August 11, 2011 9:56 AM
- Why So Serious?
More often than not we, here in TheLab™, have to communicate with the outside world. Most of the time this communication goes well, sometimes not so much and when things go bad you have to fight fire with fire or...
Filed in Offbeat on June 13, 2011 5:45 PM
- Stop the Press
Our very own EvilImp™ breaches Arts Council England's normally high security (a Yale lock and a petulant cat called Wilfred) and takes over the press office for the day. Here's what happened as the usual questions came in fielded by...
Filed in Offbeat on April 28, 2011 11:52 AM
- Nuclear ACE
In a tribute to the risible maps and documents issued by ACE's elite graphic design department following the announcement of the NPO funding decisions we, here in TheLab™, have created a visualization based on what the dance landscape would look...
Filed in Offbeat on April 4, 2011 10:22 AM
- Reviewers Reviewed
Reviewers huh, can't live with them, can't thrown them under a bus, feed them to sharks or remove their finger nails with pliers, at least not without getting arrested shortly afterward and spending some time in the big house. One...
Filed in Offbeat on January 23, 2011 11:51 PM
- My Lords, Ladies and ACE
Naturally with this type of thing trouble makers like us are not invited, we might get something on the carpet, but TheImp has crafted a speech anyway. Read it aloud and raise your voice to a thunderous level as and when you feel it's appropriate!
Filed in Offbeat on January 14, 2011 3:39 PM
- Thrown Under A Bus!
Article19 has received transcriptions, from an anonymous source, of several emails between Alan Davey (Chief Executive of ACE), Janet Archer (National Director of Dance Strategy) and Alistair Spalding (AD of Sadler's Wells). The emails were flying back and forth following Mr Spaldings ill-advised comments about woman being a bit weak willed (or words to that effect)
Filed in Offbeat on August 3, 2009 2:40 PM
- The Jackass
Most regular people hate to repeat themselves. It's pointless, it's irritating and it just proves that the person you were speaking too wasn't paying any attention and is therefore completely ignorant and undeserving of any respect.
Filed in Offbeat on May 14, 2009 5:05 PM
- The Idiots Guide To Classical Ballet
If you think contemporary dance is confusing just you try wrapping your head around classical ballet! It lasts for hours, costs a fortune to make and watch and makes about as much sense as Boris Johnson* winning an election. Never the less, millions flock to see it, well......... millions gently trickle to see it over a very long period of time, and it's lasted for centuries, so there must be something to this ballet lark then eh?
Filed in Offbeat on August 27, 2008 5:12 PM
- It's In The News! It Must Be True!
Dance news, when there is any, is usually a little on the dull side. But if you look real hard the best stories are buried in the side bars because the editors don't care for them so they put them where they think nobody will notice.
Filed in Offbeat on March 25, 2008 1:16 PM
- Conversation With Christopher Wheeldon
Christopher Wheeldon is the bright new hope for classical ballet. Some say he is the new Balanchine, some say "never heard of him!" when asked pointed questions. The following conversation between Mr Wheeldon and a bloke from Arts Council England never happened, but maybe it should have!
Filed in Offbeat on September 23, 2007 5:14 PM
- The Idiots Guide To Funding
As the summer grinds on and Autumn looms upon the horizon like...... like something that looms, we thought it prudent to present you with an indispensable guide on how to get money out of Arts Council England. Cutbacks are...
Filed in Offbeat on July 29, 2007 4:51 PM
- ACE vs Top Cat
Arts Council England has expressed shock and amazement regarding the reported hostile take over bid of the organisation by the cast of Top Cat, the popular 1960's cartoon series.
Filed in Offbeat on April 10, 2007 7:34 PM
- Anything But The Truth Part 3
Part three of our completely accurate and ultimately useless directory of information on the worlds top dance makers continues with yet another installment in the series that refuses to lay down and die. Finding the skinny on todays creative types...
Filed in Offbeat on February 9, 2007 10:44 PM
- Conversation with Sebastian Coe
A conversation between Sebastian Coe (Lord), man in charge of the London Olympics for 2012, and the bloke from ACE, it didn't happen, but maybe it should have! Hello Mr Coe, come in, sit down, nice to meet you,...
Filed in Offbeat on December 3, 2006 1:59 PM
- Anything But The Truth Part 2
Article19 continues on its quest to better inform the dance students of this world about the current crop of dance makers that nobody has written a book about. Even if they have we'll bet you all the money in our...
Filed in Offbeat on October 20, 2006 3:06 PM
- Conversation With Liam Steel(e)
A conversation between Liam Steel(e), from Stan Won't Dance and a bloke from Arts Council England back in the day. It didn’t happen, but maybe it should have? Hello Mr Steel(e) nice to see you, have a seat please....
Filed in Offbeat on October 17, 2006 3:24 PM
- ACE & The Matchbox
Sources have uncovered photographic evidence - below - that Arts Council England's plans for a brand new 'Capture' organisation to handle the complex, time consuming and utterly incomprehensible plan to develop 'dance and the moving image' were written on the...
Filed in Offbeat on August 4, 2006 5:17 PM
- Anything But The Truth
Dance students are ill informed we feel about the current crop of, so-called, top dance makers and let's face it, most dance books will probably kill you with tedium before you get half way through. So we bring you our...
Filed in Offbeat on July 5, 2006 1:34 AM
- 8 Months and Counting
Since it’s April we felt, here in The Lab™, that it was time to use our often vaunted clairvoyant skills (or mental illness as some call it, Ed!) to see what might be happening in the wacky world of dance...
Filed in Offbeat on April 8, 2006 6:32 PM
- London, Feel The Love
Here in the Lab we tend to give London a hard time. It’s big, it smells funny and an awful lot of folks are under the impression that it’s the centre of the dance universe. A nasty, and mostly...
Filed in Offbeat on February 5, 2006 6:13 PM
- Conversation With Akram Khan
A conversation between Akram Khan and a bloke from Arts Council England back in the day. It didn’t happen, but maybe it should have? Come in Mr Khan, sit, sit, now........ tell me, how can I help you? (pausing...
Filed in Offbeat on January 8, 2006 1:18 AM
- Conversation With Wayne McGregor
A conversation between Wayne McGregor and a bloke from ACE back in the mid 90's, it didn't happen but maybe it should have! Hello Mr McGregor, thank you for coming in today Cyber! Beg Pardon? It's Cyber man...... Cyber!...
Filed in Offbeat on January 2, 2006 1:09 AM
- Let's Take A Survey
Now some people say we, here in the Lab, like making fun of folks a little too much and to be honest and fair with you that hurts. We do have to say though that making fun of things is...
Filed in Offbeat on August 24, 2005 2:56 PM
- Idiots Guide to Contemporary Dance
There are few things in the world as confusing as contemporary dance. All right! There are lots of things in the world that are a lot more confusing than contemporary dance, the popularity of celebrity chefs for one, but there...
Filed in Offbeat on March 3, 2005 1:49 PM